Are your close relationships in the danger zone of “Just Okay” ?
In each of our close relationships there is a serious need for awkwardness. The kind brought about by diving benaeath the surface and getting real. There is a tendency in long term friendships or romantic relationships to reach a place where we feel we know all there is to know about the other person. Think about it, you’ve been besties for 15 years for crying out loud, what’s there to learn? Or perhaps you feel there’s nothing more to your little brother, after all – you changed his diapers. Maybe you even overlook your parents’ evolution into changing adults?
Instead of intentionally seeking to learn more from these individuals we settle for the following: “How was your day?” “It was okay, yours?” “Eh..it was fine.” Voila! Nothing was said, nothing was learned, just vague generalities. We become strangers to each other and before long, have no idea who our loved ones have become. However, all of this can change, the moment we risk being awkward. When we ask the uncomfortable questions.
News Flash: People are not Mind Readers!
Yes, I’m sure you know this, but it needs to be said. For example I like to shop (duh, what’s the name of this blog… hello) and that is no secret. My friends also like shopping. What most of them don’t know is that I prefer to shop alone, early in the day, without a crowd. I’d much rather eat with a group than shop with one. Unfortunately, my friends aren’t mind readers, so when I’m squimish about going to a big mall on Black Friday it only appears as if I’m avoiding the squad.
While my scenario wasn’t a serious one, this same principle applies to your familial relationships and the romantic ones. We all recieve love differently. Some of us respond to gift giving, while others need verbal affirmation, still some require acts of service to truly feel loved. The point is, none of these needs will be met without us verbally expressing our needs to those who love us. Let’s resolve today that we’ll risk the awkwardness by asking neccessary questions. Let’s have the willingness to be uncomfortable and go deeper!