Tag: black blogger

Reflections: Life Lessons from the last Decade

Happy New Year!! This is my first official blog post of the new year and the new decade. I pray that you enjoyed your holiday season and were able to spend time with those you love. I’ve spent lots of time reflecting on life these last two months. As a result, I’ve decided to compile some of my takeaways in a new series. This week’s installment is all about Life Lessons from the last Decade.

1. Adulting is infinitely harder without Christ

Call me churchy, idc idc idc! The fact remains life would be much harder without Jesus Christ. I could eat all the gluten free, juice all the veggies, do all the pilates, say all the affirmations, buy all the crystals, burn all the sage and NOTHING would be as effective as the transformative power of salvation. Why? Because accepting Christ includes receiving the “helper” aka the Holy Spirit. The one who leads me and guides me into all truth. This means I always have access to peace, resources, healing, wisdom, & hope.

2. Apply for ALL the scholarships

I racked up so much unnecessary student loan debt in undergrad because I was ignorant about just how many scholarships were available to me. And the few scholarships my guidance counselors did suggest? I was too lazy to write the necessary essays to earn free funds. BIG mistake. In the days of old college was the place to explore, be curious, “find yourself”. Frankly, there are less expensive ways to discover your passion. If college is indeed necessary for your career, I suggest starting with a 2 yr community college first and by all means, get some FREE money!

3. FEAR is the root of Self-Sabotage

Procrastination has always been my biggest challenge. Many instructors from high school to college have said that I was an A student who would get C grades only because I procrastinated. This applied to both subjects I excelled and ones where I was failing. The fear of actually succeeding made me avoid certain work. Why? Because then I couldn’t hide that I was capable of more. Then there were subjects like chemistry where the fear of failing became a reality. I didn’t understand the material and was to stubborn to prioritize tutoring. Pride will keep you from asking for help. All of these behaviors are rooted in fear. Fear of failure AND success.

4. Growth is never Comfortable

The wisdom I’ve gained over the past 10 years is not a byproduct of time, because you can be older and not wiser, but a product of growth. The reality of life is that decisions are the building blocks of destiny. Some of the decisions I’ve made have produced good fruit, some produced bitter fruit, both produced newfound wisdom. We learn from our mistakes and then make better choices. Some things I was able to avoid all together thanks to God’s word, wise counsel, and witnessing another’s plight. The last 5 years especially were full of personal growth. They were also some of the roughest… but it was just the refining fire. The pruning of my leaves so I can bear Godly fruit. That growth may be uncomfortable because you end up in unfamiliar territory. But that’s where the magic happens!

I’m sure there are more but I wanted to leave you with these for now. Check back same time next week when I discuss love lessons! Xoxo

Top//HM , Skirt//Burlington, Boots//Go Jane , Bag//Warrior Princess Closet

5 Ways to Protect Your Peace During the Holidays

Ever since I can remember I’ve looked forward to this time of year. Overall the holiday season brings good cheer and the opportunity for families to come together. The older I get, and more specifically these last two years, I’ve become acutely aware of what disturbs me during this season. Underneath the excitement is often anxiety surrounding family dynamics. Knowing this, I am actively engaged in guarding my heart and maintaining my joy. Today I’m sharing 5 Ways to Protect Your Peace During the Holidays.

1. Guard Your Conversation

Perhaps it’s a sibling calling to complain about your parents. Or a oarent calling to guilt you into changing your plans. Maybe a friend calling with the latest gossip or drama. This is where I need you to guard your conversation. Redirect the call or end it entirely. Even during face to face conversations don’t be afraid to inform folks that some topics are off limits. You will NOT be explaining why you’re still single. You will NOT be discussing your fertility. You will NOT talk about the recent breakup or your career change. Minding your business is always in order.

2. Guard Your Space

Even if the festivities are at your house this year you have a right to control the energy of your home. Don’t allow people to invade your space with negativity and chaos. It’s not rude, it’s your right. If you’re visiting others, you are not obligated to hug, kiss, sit near, or stand next to anyone whose makes you uncomfortable. Excuse yourself from the table, go upstairs/downstairs to chat, etc… You are not a prisoner.

3. Guard Your Time

Hosting holiday festivities also means that YOU get to decide how long folks stay in your home. If family is notoriously late and inconsiderate, inform them of the start and end times. If you snooze you lose! Having decided to venture out to someone else’s home, you too are not obligated to stay all day. If you can give 3 hours max without feeling overwhelmed so be it.

4. Guard Your Plate

Don’t drink alcohol? Skip the toast or opt for cider. Vegan? Don’t let Grandma slap her famous deviled eggs on your plate. Also, don’t allow what you put on your plate to become the topic of table conversation. No you don’t have to betray yourself and eat foods you avoid, but you also don’t have to eat like abird because mama likes to body shame.

5. Guard Your Money

Finally, if it’s not in your budget, don’t buy it beloved. I know your sister shows up like Old Saint Nick with gifts for everyone… Uncle Bill can’t wait to pull up in his 2020 Range… But you can not afford to go broke trying to buy validation. Honor yourself by committing to the financial discipline you’ve been practicing all year!

As you can see all five of these suggestions can be summed up in one word: boundaries. Setting and maintaining personal boundaries is something I’ve been working on all year. As the holidays approached I could feel myself becoming anxious. I began to worry that those boundaries would make me appear cold or distant. However, I’ve made too much progress in 2019 to lose it all at the dinner table. I encourage you nit to do so either! Xo

Dress//H&M , Wrap//K. Vaughn Scarves , Shoes//Donald J. Pliner


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