Tag: family

5 Ways to Protect Your Peace During the Holidays

Written by Shakira on . Posted in Family, Life. Leave a Comment

Ever since I can remember I’ve looked forward to this time of year. Overall the holiday season brings good cheer and the opportunity for families to come together. The older I get, and more specifically these last two years, I’ve become acutely aware of what disturbs me during this season. Underneath the excitement is often anxiety surrounding family dynamics. Knowing this, I am actively engaged in guarding my heart and maintaining my joy. Today I’m sharing 5 Ways to Protect Your Peace During the Holidays.

1. Guard Your Conversation

Perhaps it’s a sibling calling to complain about your parents. Or a oarent calling to guilt you into changing your plans. Maybe a friend calling with the latest gossip or drama. This is where I need you to guard your conversation. Redirect the call or end it entirely. Even during face to face conversations don’t be afraid to inform folks that some topics are off limits. You will NOT be explaining why you’re still single. You will NOT be discussing your fertility. You will NOT talk about the recent breakup or your career change. Minding your business is always in order.

2. Guard Your Space

Even if the festivities are at your house this year you have a right to control the energy of your home. Don’t allow people to invade your space with negativity and chaos. It’s not rude, it’s your right. If you’re visiting others, you are not obligated to hug, kiss, sit near, or stand next to anyone whose makes you uncomfortable. Excuse yourself from the table, go upstairs/downstairs to chat, etc… You are not a prisoner.

3. Guard Your Time

Hosting holiday festivities also means that YOU get to decide how long folks stay in your home. If family is notoriously late and inconsiderate, inform them of the start and end times. If you snooze you lose! Having decided to venture out to someone else’s home, you too are not obligated to stay all day. If you can give 3 hours max without feeling overwhelmed so be it.

4. Guard Your Plate

Don’t drink alcohol? Skip the toast or opt for cider. Vegan? Don’t let Grandma slap her famous deviled eggs on your plate. Also, don’t allow what you put on your plate to become the topic of table conversation. No you don’t have to betray yourself and eat foods you avoid, but you also don’t have to eat like abird because mama likes to body shame.

5. Guard Your Money

Finally, if it’s not in your budget, don’t buy it beloved. I know your sister shows up like Old Saint Nick with gifts for everyone… Uncle Bill can’t wait to pull up in his 2020 Range… But you can not afford to go broke trying to buy validation. Honor yourself by committing to the financial discipline you’ve been practicing all year!

As you can see all five of these suggestions can be summed up in one word: boundaries. Setting and maintaining personal boundaries is something I’ve been working on all year. As the holidays approached I could feel myself becoming anxious. I began to worry that those boundaries would make me appear cold or distant. However, I’ve made too much progress in 2019 to lose it all at the dinner table. I encourage you nit to do so either! Xo

Dress//H&M , Wrap//K. Vaughn Scarves , Shoes//Donald J. Pliner

The Love Letters: Dear Bride to Be

Written by Shakira on . Posted in Inspiration, Life. 2 Comments

Phillipians 4:6 says “Do not be anxious or worried about anything, but in everything [every circumstance and situation] by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, continue to make your [specific] requests known to God.” 

Whether you have 8 weeks or 18 months until you say “I Do” you may currently find yourself getting overwhelmed. If so, let me say this plainly, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Having been engaged for a year this Sun, I’ve been there and even as I write this I may have obstacles yet to overcome. However, I want you to pause for a minute and meditate on the scripture above. Take a deep breath and remind yourself that you don’t have to succomb to the madness. You can delight yourself in the Lord and receive His peace.

Even if you’ve planned your wedding in your mind since the age of 6, nothing compares to the actual task of planning a wedding. There are so many details to consider, so many decisions to make, so many people to accommodate, so many pieces to the puzzle… It can honestly become stressful. You may find yourself disagreeing with your fiancé or having an all out fight. The ideas of family and friends may sometimes drown out your own voice, not to mention the task of blending two families and two sets of expectations. Opinions, however well intentioned, may hurt your feelings and sabatouge your self-esteem. Lastly, you and your fiance will no doubt frequently consider running away from everyone to elope. While there is absolutely nothing wrong with doing so, please be sure it is your genuine desire and not a reaction to the stress of your engagement.

So how can you defeat or avoid overwhelm and manage to make your engagement a time of joy? First things first, you must remember why you said yes. The goal is for both of you to use this season of engagement to receive wise counsel and allow God to uncover, discover, correct, or re-direct. Believing you’ve found the one is not enough. This belief must be confirmed and your profession of love must be proven. I promise you that your love will be tested. However, use those unexpected challenges and hurdles to strengthen your love for each other and forge an unbreakable bond.

There will be those whose comments about the institution of marriage make you second guess your decision to committ. Those who tell you you’re losing your freedom or wasting your time since 50% of marriages fail. There will be those who are jealous (both openly and privately) and their lack of support and their absence during this season may hurt, but stay focused. Let your love for God and your love for each other be your motivation, not the desire to stunt on “haters”. After all, we’ve all been jealous of someone currently in a season we wish to enter. Maintain an attitude of grace and humility. Use this time to beautify your spirit and your appearance. Be like Esther and pamper yourself as you prepare for your king.  Seek the Lord for wisdom on how to properly love your Groom. Ask God to reveal the purpose of your union and how it will impact the Kingdom.

It is my prayer that as you transition from girlfriend to fiance to wife that you will do so with grace and discernment. Refuse to be a bridezilla and an ego maniac. Contrary to popular belief it is not “all about the bride”, it’s about the couple. Lay a strong foundation during your engagement built on love, trust, honesty, and integrity. Do this and I promise you’ll be your own #RelationshipGoals !

With love,

Kira

 

One Month to Love: Risking Awkwardness

Written by Shakira on . Posted in Inspiration, Life. 1 Comment

Are your close relationships in the danger zone of “Just Okay” ? 

In each of our close relationships there is a serious need for awkwardness. The kind brought about by diving benaeath the surface and getting real. There is a tendency in long term friendships or romantic relationships to reach a place where we feel we know all there is to know about the other person. Think about it, you’ve been besties for 15 years for crying out loud, what’s there to learn? Or perhaps you feel there’s nothing more to your little brother, after all – you changed his diapers. Maybe you even overlook your parents’ evolution into changing adults?

Instead of intentionally seeking to learn more from these individuals we settle for the following: “How was your day?” “It was okay, yours?” “Eh..it was fine.” Voila! Nothing was said, nothing was learned, just vague generalities. We become strangers to each other and before long, have no idea who our loved ones have become. However, all of this can change, the moment we risk being awkward. When we ask the uncomfortable questions.

News Flash: People are not Mind Readers! 

Yes, I’m sure you know this, but it needs to be said. For example I like to shop (duh, what’s the name of this blog… hello) and that is no secret. My friends also like shopping. What most of them don’t know is that I prefer to shop alone, early in the day, without a crowd. I’d much rather eat with a group than shop with one. Unfortunately, my friends aren’t mind readers, so when I’m squimish about going to a big mall on Black Friday it only appears as if I’m avoiding the squad.

While my scenario wasn’t a serious one, this same principle applies to your familial relationships and the romantic ones. We all recieve love differently. Some of us respond to gift giving, while others need verbal affirmation, still some require acts of service to truly feel loved. The point is, none of these needs will be met without us verbally expressing our needs to those who love us. Let’s resolve today that we’ll risk the awkwardness by asking neccessary questions. Let’s have the willingness to be uncomfortable and go deeper!

One Month to Love: Acting Intentionally

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Previously in our devotional study we learned how to give those in our circle the undivided attention they deserve by being present in every moment and actively listening to what’s being said. In week two, we now focus on the intentional actions needed to foster deep connections. This inquiry raises one question in particular…

Is your life too crowded? 

Have you become such a slave to your to-do lists and your demanding work or school schedule that you’ve completely neglected to spend real time with the people closest to you? The truth is, you don’t have time to do everything that everyone wants you to do, and you never will. However, you do have time for the important things… which is building our closest relationships. We must intentionally create space for these relationships to grow by not overcrowding our days with busy work, and taking time with God, family, & close friends.

Remove the obstacles. 

For many of us, this Thanksgiving will be the first time we’ve actually spent real quality time with our families. In our frantic dash to buy ingredients from the markets and bake the necessary pies, we’ve lost sight of what the holiday is actually about. To intentionally create space, we need to prioritize who gets our precious time. Family first… everyone else is second. Allow God to divinely interrupt your regularly scheduled program. After all an “annoying” interruption, is often God’s way of slowing us down to show us what’s really important to Him & Us!

One Month To Love: Being All There

Written by Shakira on . Posted in Inspiration, Life. Leave a Comment

“Right now, there are three relationships in your life that trouble you.”  This was the bold statement that greeted us in the opening chapter of our 30 day devotional “One Month To Love” by Pastor Kerry & Chris Shook. I’ll be honest, this statement caught me off guard, however as I seriously considered it, I knew it to be true. As I begin examining the relationships I have with the people closest to me, I see much room for growth and improvement.

September 12th we began this devotional and week one was all about The Art of Being All There, how to truly be present with those we love. I have to be honest, I seriously struggle in this area. We are a generation of multitasks, possibly even more so than our parents due to the reality of social media and technology overload. How often are you having a conversation with someone but going through your mental to do list? Or sitting at the dinner table on a date while checking your IG notifications?

Active Listening involves being fully concentrated on what is said rather than just passively hearing the speaker. It is the act of listening and responding with the intention of producing mutual understanding. Knowing this, I’ve realized that I’m often not as attentive as I should be with my loved ones. It’s my desire that I become a daughter, friend, and wife who can be all there. One of my fiancé Jason’s favorite sayings is “Just be”. It’s a reminder to actually live in the present, to take it all in, and to love, listen, and nurture those in my inner circle.

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