What I left in 2015
December 31, 2014 I stood in watch night service at church with my family earnestly making declarations for the coming year. 2015 was to be the year I got married, the year I released a short EP, and my year of debt cancellation. Not one of these actually happened. In many ways 2015 absolutely sucked…but it was also the best year of my life! If I could sum it all up in one word it’d be correction. In many ways I’m a control freak and as such, my perfectly made plans became more important than my relationship with God. I began ignoring the holy spirit and charting a new course without my navigator. As a result, God demolished the idols I’d made of weddings and stages, forcing me to confront my fears and character flaws. For this reason, the events of the past year had to happen. They were pretty painful but they produced good fruit. As a result, there are things that I’ve shed and left behind me…
- The need to have all the answers – Even in a romantic context, I generally hate surprises. As far back as I can remember I’ve planned my own birthday parties. I plan my outfits for the week. I plan my meals and only pair certain sides and entrees. I plan EVERYTHING and when I can’t control my situation my anxiety goes through the roof. Needless to say, if things don’t go as predicted, it can be very hard to adjust. Such was the case last year and it wasn’t until the 4th quarter of 2015 that I truly became aware that I don’t have to manipulate every detail of my life. As a child of God, my only priority is to submit my plans to Him and seek wise counsel. As I learn His will for my life through His word, my will begins to line up with His and I gain peace resting on His promises. My life is in God’s hands and there is a divine time table for everything He’s ordained for me…this I can unload the weight needing to have all the answers.
- Making emotional decisions – Perhaps the most important lesson of 2015 for me was the realization that I don’t always hear from God. I pride myself on having an active prayer life and a personal relationship with God. However, there in was the problem… pride. While there’s nothing wrong with taking pride in something, that pride can easily turn into arrogance and self righteousness. As an intercessor, I failed to realize my growing haughtiness and “I know God hears me” attitude. Intercessors can sometimes become big headed, feeling that whatever we ask/want/desire God will surely bless. Although the bible does encourage us to ask anything in faith and it shall be given, our request must line up with God’s word and His will. Being lead by my emotions last year, specifically frustration and fear, resulted in dullness of hearing. My emotions were louder than the voice of the God.
- Fear of failure – Having struggled with fear all my life, I am many times paralyzed from true progress, despite being a control freak. However, having failed big time in certain areas last year, I can now say I’m so glad I did! Failure is apart of success. I am 32 and I have a lot of mistakes yet to make. I refuse to allow fear of failure to keep me from making new plans and taking action. I’ve already survived embarrassment and have learned necessary lessons. God doesn’t want us to stop planning, dreaming, and creating our lives…but as our father, He does wasn’t us to trust His word and seek His guidance.
Well loves, I hope this has been insightful and encouraging. Especially for those who’ve experienced a much different 2015 than expected. I look forward to sharing more inspirational content rooted in my faith. My hope is that my transparency is relatable to you. Let’s get ready for a much better 2016! XO, Kira